Mariah Carey’s voice has been sounding like a beat down cat trying to drag it’s half-ass off of a motorway for quite some time now. Mimi just stands there like a big tired sad Wurste and lets her backing singers try to cover for her. Well Mimi’s worries are all over because a dedicated fan of the Butterfly Princess herself has taken the time to record her own Mimi vocals, and to call them spectacular would be an understatement. Milli Vanilli that shit pronto Mimi, know one will know. This truly is the voice of angels. 
 

More after the cut! Dolphins are coming!!!!
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Mariah Carey, music

Because Kelly Clarkson officially killed a team of 89 airbrush artists who worked on the cover for her new single.  I’m serious, this shit probably was just painted from scratch digitally.

Kelly Clarkson - My Life Would Suck Without You CD Cover

 Yeah, Hi Kelly, we all sort of know what you look like, and it’s not so much that you aren’t attractive, because you sort of are, it’s just that you aren’t fucking made of latex.  The version of you made from latex is called Avril Lavigne and we all know how she’s working out for us.

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airbrushed, Kelly Clarkson

Chris Crocker took a break from deeply intellectual video blogging to tell us he’s definitely not a joke and is a fine picture of sanity. He really is an excellent role model.

Can someone make a Tyra versus Chris Crocker GIF now? I think his purpose will then be complete.

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Chris Crocker, Crazy, Fug

I’m not going to say Kevin Federline has become a fat bastard, beacuse that’s really rude. What i will say is Kevin Federline should be kept away from African safaris, because if someone doesn’t try and shoot him for game then some mother elephant will probably mistake him as her baby. You know he’s the sneaky bitch who you invite round for Christmas who then eats all your festive biscuits. 

Pictures: X17

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fat, Fug, Kevin Federline

Britney Spears’ comeback album Circus has sold 1.1 million copies in North America in just one month, making it Britney’s first Platinum studio album since 2003’s In the Zone, as 2007’s Blackout has yet to sell 1 million copies.  This might seem like peanuts since Trailer Muffin once sold over 10 million copies of her first CD Baby One More Time but things have changed and people are tight as fuck now - so the best selling album of 2008 was Lil Wayne who only sold 2.9 million copies. 

Britney is probably celebrating by bathing in starbucks and chowing down on McDonalds. Just kidding, shes under that conservership now, so she’s actually crying in the corner of a room begging to be let out for “just one moar hour, govnah!”.

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Britney Spears, music

     

Kirsten Dunst and her Sad Titties.

“I don’t have the energy to care if people criticise the way I look. I’m over getting dressed up, although it’s fun sometimes - like when my younger brother Christian and I got ready together to go to the Oscars. But other than that, though, I couldn’t care less. Being fun is way better than being beautiful. I would rather entertain people.”- Kirsten Dunst

Whilst it’s clearly been noted for some time that being hot is not on a list of Kirsten Dunst’s priorities, we can’t all be flawless like me and at the end of the day, I agree with this skanky little snaggletooth in that being hot is too much hassle! Sometimes i weep because im trapped into this hotness world where I can’t be “fun”. Oh wait, except i am fun. A lot of fun. And really hot. So I guess what i’m getting at here is that Kirsten Dunst is pretty much talking shit and needs to get a bra in the situation above.

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Kirsten Dunst, Quotes

Taco Taco and the Princess of the World

Jennifer Garner was rushed to hospital by her husband Taco Taco and he obviously had time to pick up a delicious berry iced tea from Starbucks on the way.  Jennifer is such a fucking good wife her ass would sit politely in agony whilst he flirts with the fucking slut that works behind the counter. Don’t think because you serve me overpriced coffee that your above my ass Elaine, i’ll pull those novelty hairclips out and stick them up your bojingle if you give me that sly eye again!

Anyway, get your rosaries and kabbalah bracelets and Scientology Dildo Devices out because we must now pray to Celine Dion up in the sky that she will use her powers to guide Jennifer Garner through the shitty shitty process of having birth. I don’t know where this myth came from that giving birth is somehow a nice process , because not many cultures consider  ”having your vagina tear open whilst you shit yourself in front of  these uppity sluts telling you to PUSH” as a “nice” experience. 

Also I’m guessing that this was a rushed appointment because Jen’s hair looks like Taco Taco took a little golden shower on it and no one bothered to rinse and condition. You know if Lindsay Lohan was going into labor bony ass would be sitting in front of her vanity table for 45 minutes before she’d even think of hauling ass to the maternity ward. Firecrotch ahoy.

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babies, Ben Affleck, Jennifer Garner

LA-Deli.com loves Heidi Montag, more than she loves herself. But one thing that didn’t make sense about the show was Whiteny Port. Because you could literally throw dimes at her and she could do anything you told her to. And then MTV thought the same thing, and gave her her very own show. Simply titled “The City”.

We made our intern, Korrgan, watch it,  because we have lives and she doesn’t.

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Heidi Montag, Lauren Conrad, The City, the Hills, Whitney

The world is in recession. The Middle East is fighting again. And what is Paris Hilton doing? Getting paid to welcome 2009 in Australia. Wow, cuz that was so 2007. However, previously she was paid $1 million for that treatment. Now her rates have dropped 90% to just A$100k (=US$69k) (as long as she brought her sister and new BFF).

Ouch. Poor Paris.

But at least it gave Australian media a chance to show off their creativity.

News.com.au has this beauty

but the winner goes to the Daily Telegraph.

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Paris Hilton

Where has Courtney Love been lately? Trying to rekindle that friendship with Whitney Houston or  peeing all over garden gnomes sounds like a good bet.

But no!

She is wearing dead animal carcasses, especially old ones. Cuz the fresh ones don’t have many cum stains on them. According to her new MySpace blog she has told PETA to go shove it.

“Yep, I’m a fur whore… If its 100 years old I’m fucking into it. Sorry PETA. I’ve been very, very good for a very, very long time, and this ermine is ancient and tattered and feels like it belonged to a Queen. I know, I know. Maybe ill just stare at it, but fuck off if I wear it, I KNOW what I’m doing.”

Thatta girl.

[Original story: www.undercover.com.au]

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Courtney Love