Rita Ora isn’t here for Calvin Harris questions.

Rita Ora isn’t here for Calvin Harris questions.

The most important breakup in SUPER SUPER A-LIST celebrity history known as Rita Whora and Calvin Harris has added another super dramatic chapter to it’s books today.

Rita was at the launching of a new DKNY fragrance (read: turning up at the drop of a hat) and was being interviewed by the Associated Press when things took a turn for the “NOT HERE FOR THIS.”

The interviewer was casually asking Rita such hardball questions as “What do you love about performing?” before he threw her a line with the nice soft question of  “WHY DOES CALVIN HARRIS HATE YOUR WHORA ASS?” . Rita handled that like a pro, and by a pro I mean like Mariah Carey or Naomi Campbell when her publicist jumped in and said “NOT HERE FOR THIS” as she sashayed off into the crowd to find someone else to interview her.

I am not an expert on relationships, but I get the feeling this means Rita Ora and Calvin Harris wont be reconciling? How will i go on without posters of this power-couple of music to slap all over my walls and/or use to pack things when moving house?

Nicki Minaj has a video for Anaconda she’d like you to jizz over.

Nicki Minaj took a break from letting Iggy Azalea snatch her career away to release a new music video for Anaconda and that shit is a predictable mess of jungle references, twerking, wall-to-wall arse and Nicki Minaj giving Drake a lapdance.

The Anaconda video is what would Katy Perry’s Roar video would be if it hooked up with a stripper. That shit is an abortion of colours and stuttering, but Nicki’s face is surprisingly not looking like its been possessed by every demon in the hemisphere. Anaconda sounds like its been sung by a baby prostitute from inside a shoe, because that audio quality is super shit.

I dont think Nicki is all that concerned by the audio on this mess though given she spends most of the video rubbing her naglas against her backing dancers and giving angry blowjobs to a banana. If you wanted to know how low a ho can go to sell a CD, then Nicki Minaj and Rihanna will happily duet to teach you this.

The last minute of this song is literally Nicki Minaj just making noises and giggling and saying “bitch” a lot and also hating on thin people.

The take away from this video i think we are all supposed to have is that Nicki Minaj has a big fat ass and would like to take calls regarding a porn career.

Britney Spears doing the ice bucket challenge is the best.

Britney Spears doing the ice bucket challenge is the best.

So after I saw Oprah doing this ALS Ice Bucket challenge thing, I thought no other celebrity would be able to top the HIGH ART COMEDY that was provided. Seeing Oprah have Gayle fling a bucket of ice cold water on her ass was kind of like realizing that gods also feel heat and cold.

But trust The Queen of The Frapps to deliver an even finer moment  in the niche category of Celebrities getting icy-ass water thrown all over them’. I hope Oprah doesn’t come for me for saying that tonight when Im sleeping. I lock the cupboards at night and check under the beds just incase.


In an amazing turn of events, Brit Brit’s circuitry didn’t explode when she had water thrown all over her, but her sunglasses do get knocked off and she gives her fifty shades of  “me whenever my alarm goes off”

Given that her body is made up of 40% crushed ice I kind of thought Brit’s body temperature would  have been regulated to somewhere between ‘Alaska‘ and ‘Nicole Kidman’ on the thermometer and this wouldn’t have been a problem for her. I mean, it’s not like Brit hasn’t had to deal with extreme frostiness in the past…

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But only Brit Brit would walk away from the heated swimming pool behind her after having a bucket of ice thrown all over her. In fairness, she’s probably wondering off looking for some caramel syrup and whipped cream to put on her head so she can start licking herself.

 

 

Taylor Swift’s ‘Shake It Off’ Music Video

Taylor Swift’s ‘Shake It Off’ Music Video

Remember when Taylor Swift was still holding a guitar and trying to make you believe she’d just fallen out of a barn after telling her boyfriend she wasn’t ready yet?

Well on her last album, Taylor did a little thing called  “Selling The Fuck Out!” and her label obviously liked the sound of eight million wallets falling open, cause  Taylor has another pop album coming out and she’s released a new single and video for that shit.

Whatever country backwater town Taylor Swift once came from is now a distant cackle to her at a fancy industry event where, with this song, she’s effectively doing the following.

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Britney Spears lipsyncs to Sia singing her song.

Britney Spears lipsyncs to Sia singing her song.

Oh Britney, it was all going so well.

Night two of Brit Brit’s big return from her summer of Fraps and an unfortunate video has appeared on Instagram of Brit Brit lip-syncing.  ‘Britney, lip-syncing?! Quelle Surprise!’ I hear you cry, but this was a particularly embarrassing incident.

When it was time to perform Brit’s latest ballad  ‘Perfume’  her sound engineer appears to have pushed up the wrong fader resulting in Britney’s ‘vocals’ being barely audible, drowned out by backing vocals from the unmistakable Sia Furler.

Someone is going to get a firm turn of Team Britney’s backhand tonight for this mess and Daddy Spears is going to create a “No Cheese Grits For You” list from here on in. Brit Brit probably walked off stage afterwards and was like “Did y’all hear mah voice, oh mah god y’all I sounded AMAZEENG! I didn’t even feel like ah was singing, isn’t that crazay?”

It’s one thing to lip sync to your own vocals on a song. It’s quite another to lip sync to your backing vocalist’s. Probably not super wise given that there are already questions over how much singing on your own songs you actually do these days. Le sigh, team Britney is always so close to a slam dunk and then they snatch it back away.

Anyway, Brit Brit looked great and lip-synced that shit power hard, but let’s get down to the REAL question of the night, what the hell was on her head?

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