Remember how I wrote about how Angelina and Brad didn’t bother shilling out their special private moment to magazines for lots and lots of money, because Angelina and Brad are too rich and too in love to use their special relationship for cash and publicity? Well, I lied.
Not only did The Holy Couple cash in on their wedding, but they cashed in so hard that PEOPLE magazine, owned by a $67 billion conglomerate, had to team up with HELLO magazine to afford that shit.
Angelina wore a dress that looks like what might happen if you left your wedding dress out in a room with fourteen bored children in it. Apparently this dress was designed by Luigi Massi, the master tailor at Versace.
Angelina asked his ass to sew designs from her children’s drawings into the dress and veil. Because this wedding was meant to be a “family affair”. She said
“Luigi is like family to me and I couldn’t imagine anyone else making this dress,” says Jolie. “He knows and cares for the children and it was great fun putting it together.”
Yeah i get the whole loving your child army thing and everything, but letting your kids etch-a-sketch all over your wedding dress? Only Angie could be sooo radiant and beeauuuutiful that she thinks she could get away it. Angie looks washed out as shit with all that colour all over her, she should have worn her dress from Maleficent and Brad could have turned up as the dude who she makes into a raven, because he basically didn’t even need to be there.
I can just about see past the fact that Angelina is wearing the equivalent of those tea-towels you design with your classmates when you turn five so that your mum and only your mum will pay £30 to buy it, but the rest of this dress is a damn mess too! The dress looks like Angelina showed up at your shanky aunts house, lay down on her exquisite Tesco Value sateen sheets, tied them up with some elastic at the top and then walked off. Angelina wants this basic bargain bin looking dress to tell you that she is unbothered by the convention of marriage, despite getting married.