Cheryl Cole aka Cheryl Fernandez-Chiquitita-Banana Hammock is back on X-Factor UK just a few short years after the public humiliation of being dropped from the show’s doomed US version because, Simon Cowell said, she’d gained weight and looked weird.
Since Cheryl Cole is massively talented and has the voice of a thousand angels singing into a heavenly conch shell, she’s confident that she doesn’t need the massive publicity from the X-Factor to sell thousands and thousands of digital downloads to 12 year old girls with hearing issues.
Cheryl told The Metro that the X-Factor is nothing to her career, and doesn’t think it has anything to do with her record sales despite the fact she literally just brought out new music for the first time since her last X-Factor appearance.
‘I mean, I’ve just had a No.1 without the show. Almost 300,000 copies now I think it’s sold,’ she said of her duet with Tinie Tempah.
The singer also downplayed the chart defeat she suffered at the hands of Justin Bieber when she released her third album in 2012 following her sacking from X Factor USA. ‘I’ve had three albums now. Two No.1s and one was only beaten by Justin Bieber by 3,000 copies. ‘Otherwise it would’ve been No.1,’ she said.
Cheryl has a point, she was beaten by Justin Bieber by just 3,000 copies. But she was still beaten! This bitch reminds me of me when I used to come last in the sack race as school and I’d say shit like “Everyone only beat me because they had smaller sacks!” My giant sack has always been a problem.
Anyway, Cheryl Cole just wanted us all to know that she’s super into X-Factor not for, you know, her career or money or anything, but because it’s all about THE JUDGING. Cheryl highlighted to another magazine she discovered Cher Lloyd, which isn’t something I’d be screaming from the rooftops about, but nonetheless Cher Lloyd hasn’t heard from this bitch since she left the X-Factor. I guess this means she wont be performing any of her new music on the highly rated live shows later in the series just in time for a Christmas album launch then. Oh wait, she will? That’s strange!
I guess Cheryl Cole is just trying to figure out how to play this whole “I’m Back on X-Factor” thing without seeming like shes a cash grabbing, publicity hungry flop in America, which is kind of hard when that’s exactly what she is. Oh well, i’m sure Cheryl would have been signed up to do those horrible shampoo adverts either way, so we can’t blame X-Factor for everything.